Two years ago, my husband (then BF of three years) and I went to Olive Garden...on a date. It was great, I even have pictures of that day.
We have almost stopped going out on such "formal" dates since then. We usually go out for lunch on the weekends, and take out for dinner when I don't want to cook. No more dressing up and going out. (Impress करने वाला phase बहुत पहले खत्म हो चुका) We are usually too lazy, or too inert or just too tired to go out.
So this weekend, I said I want to go out for dinner. I asked him on Thursday, he said, how about tomorrow? I said ok.
Me: So what time are we leaving?
Him: Where are we going?
Me: Dinner? Hello?
Him: Oh, its so nice at home, warm, and cozy and all. I feel like staying put. How about tomorrow?
Friday was a LOT of fun. I brought some take-out dinner, he started the fire (wonder why, its so warm these days, but whatever), we tried out margaritas from a book we got as part of a wedding gift. He played some really old and lovely songs for me...specially for you, he said. I danced sitting down on the couch, too tipsy to stand up and dance! Checked blogger every time he took a cigarette break to see if Samby had any updates :) Finally ate at 3 and slept at 4! Had a great time at home!
Saturday was quite uneventful, I actually can't remember what I did during the day! We probably planted something.
Me: So what time are we leaving?
Me: Dinner? Hello?
Him: Jaana kya?
Him: Ok, you pick.
So I decide to go to Olive Garden, where we had out last "formal" date. All dressed up, we reach there.
We order, we eat, we drink, we talk about the chicken, and simply stare at each other and the others around us. Am thinking, hmmm...Raymond and Debra? We got nothing to talk about either! Except the chicken (Ray talked about the butter or bread or something). We eat and then we leave. On the way back, I can't take it anymore.
Yes my dear readers, I did a Debra!
Me: We had nothing to talk about.
Me: That was a boring date.
Him(as usual): Hmmm.
Quiet for some more time.
Me: I think it was the food. It was so boring.
Me: Not talking is ok, we don't have to talk all the time.
Me: What, hmmm, hmmm, say something else.
Conclusion: This "Debra" will prefer to stay home from now on :) The restaurant ambiance and food's usually too boring!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Two years ago, my husband (then BF of three years) and I went to Olive Garden...on a date. It was great, I even have pictures of that day.
Friday, March 28, 2008
She's back, all fixed up, nice and shiny again.
For those not following my blog from the verrrry beginning, some real mean person had cut off my baby's nose, so to speak. I was SO heart-broken :(
So I had to send her to the doctor to get a new nose.
Then the doctor checked her out completely, and said she has a few more things that need taken care of. I felt bad for the poor thing, but at least they were going to take real good care of her.
I dropped her off at the doctor's yesterday, and brought her back today. There she was, waiting for me in the driveway when I went to pick her up. I could feel tears of joy when I saw her there, wanted to run and hug her. But I had to first go pay the bills and all, check her out of the doc's. Quite a bill it was! But its all okay, its for my baby, the joy of my life! I brought her home, took a few pictures to share with y'all.
I brought her home when she was only a few weeks old. All I could do when I got her was just stare at that beautiful face and think, I can't believe she's mine! WoW! She's really mine! She's 5 now. I still feel the same, "WoW, she's mine, all mine!"
Take a look at my dear dear Dhanno...isn't she something! :)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I guess today's my day to offload all the meaningless drivel (like in the previous post) out on my blog.
I am not very big on celebrity gossip, I just like to look at their pictures for the outfits.
And its driving me crazy that Aish is ALWAYS accompanied by Amitabh...she goes to movie premieres with him, she goes to weddings and receptions with him, she goes to some awards ceremony, and he's there, he's like his shadow or bodyguard or whatever. Its been ages since I saw that cutie that she's married. Whatever happened to Abhishek...and his mother Jaya!?
I always hated Aish, I hate her even more now.
I always loved Amitabh, am not so sure now :( Its like he's losing his identity from the Big B to being this chaperone or whatever to Miss World. I want to see all three AB's in their proper place!
The two AB jr's with each other, and AB Sr. with his wife.
Is it too much to ask now? Huh?
Macy's में, walmart में, और न जाने कहाँ कहाँ! उफ्फ!
This is so totally weird! I keep losing my ear-rings। As in, they fall off।
I think one of them is somewhere in Niagara Falls. Most beautiful black jhoomka I have ever owned :(
One is somewhere in Macy's (losing this one really broke my heart. My hubby had bought it for me, he said he had looked in like 50 different stores until he found the perfect one!)
A gold one I had since my childhood, don't know when it fell off and where.
And I dropped one today, probably in Walmart :( Another one for which I had gotten lots of compliments. (Some random woman I met on the cruise ship to Alaska, DH said that looks so pretty when I left today morning!)
Ufffff...what is it with me and them! Last weekend we were gardening, planting some new flowers. Hubby was doing all the work of course, I was removing the plants from their containers and handing them to him, and PLOP falls a ear-ring in the mud.
I am so confused !
Friday, March 21, 2008
Was watching a rerun of "Everybody Loves Raymond" the other day, and I was totally pissed at Debra! Man, that woman is always angry with poor Raymond! No matter what! She acts all nice in front of others, even if she doesn't like them or what they are doing. And once everyone's gone, all hell breaks lose on Ray, who's probably just sitting quietly, eating chips and watching TV.
I watched two episodes, back to back. In one of them, they had gone out to dinner for Valentine's Day, and realized they didn't have anything to talk about. They come home, and here's the scene
D(angrily pacing!) : We had the worst time, we didn't have anything to talk about!
R: Sure, we talked, we talked about the bread, and the butter and how good it was.
***hehehe, that was a strange, awkward conversation the poor guy was trying to have with the already angry Debra***
D: You call that talking? I heard the joke about Robert a millionth time, I am tired!!! We have nothing to talk about! Doesn't that bother you? Isn't it a sign of something going wrong?
***argh, don't try to read signs that are not there, you idiot***
And she goes on and on...
R: Well, I am sorry.
***Huh? Why? Just for being a simple guy with no war stories or whatever to tell? You're married to this one for 11 yrs now, she's probably heard them all anyway***
D(finally stops screaming): No....you don't have to be sorry, its not your fault
R: Ok, so how about we scream at YOU now?
***Go Ray! Finally he speaks up for himself! The guy has some patience, or love for his wife, or whatever!***
Poor guy! It was not his fault, but she quit yelling only when he apologized for something he did not do, something that was not even a problem in the first place!
That woman needs to see that her husband is happy and content eating dinner with her quietly, there really is no need to talk about anything! He likes being with her even though there is no real reason to, even though there is nothing to do, nothing to discuss. Just be. Together. Thats all.
Looking at Ray, I felt men are quite simple beings really. They don't over-analyze things like we do. They do what they can, and don't fret over what they cannot. They do not try to find hidden meanings and agendas in things others say and do. Sometimes this may come across as being insensitive, but mostly they are minding their own business, and helping us when asked to.
And here comes the punchline. My husband was not watching this with me. I described the scene to him, and said, is she mad? There is nothing wrong in the situation, nothing wrong that he did and she's taking out God knows what on him!
He says, You tell me, looks like they were telling your story.
And it hit me. He was right :( Although I am not as crazy as Debra (really, I am not), I do try to find issues where none exist and get worked up over them. And his being the only pair of ears around, they get to hear God knows what all crap!
We women gotta learn from men to cherish what we have (our wonderful companions!) and not worry about things we don't have (like...problems to talk about!)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Very short post...just for me to read and laugh again a few months later :)
The man is funny, gotta give him that. Poor guy had been in a conference call for over 2 hours with some gora guy. Finally phone patak ke uth ke bhaaga, mumbling...subah se angrezi bol bol ke munh tedha ho gaya.
I was in splits immediately,
M(e): kya ho gaya bhai?
S: Yaar, Bill se meeting chal rahi thi
** This Bill is on the east coast and is leaving the company, so S has to get as much info from him as possible...on the phone.
M: Yeah, and you can't even tell him we'll do this later, jaa raha hai to.
Another guy K walks by,
K: S bhai, main notice kar raha hoon, jisse bhi aap angrezi bolte hain, woh company chhod ke bhaag jaata hai
S: Haan yaar, woh log jhel nahi paate. Aaj to maine hi bol diya, bass, ho gaya, mera aaj ka angrezi quota khatam ho gaya.
Then we all went to lunch with a few other folks. The topic came up again.
M: Hey, do you know where Bill is going?
S: No, he didn't mention that he was leaving, so I didn't ask...
M: Ok, now don't talk to him again, nahi to nayi company bhi chhod ke chala jayega.
B is sitting next to me, and asks whats all this about. I tell him. B refuses to talk to S anymore :) But we all manage to convince him that its ok, as long as he is not talking to him in English, he is safe. We pulled S' leg some more, asking him what exactly he said to everyone that they got so scared and left.
Ok, this was a very random conversation, total nonsense, but he had me in splits :) Good fun!
There was a lot more things that were said...but I can't remember them anymore.
Non-hindi speaking folks...can't really effectively translate this. sorry :(
Sigh, everything said and done, we all miss our own language, don't we. I miss speaking Gujarati so much, since hubby doesn't understand it much.
UPDATE: This day is just getting better.
There is another S, lets call him Su.
Su: So, did you hear of the latest internationalization bug in B's app?
S: What, the bug is that the app is not working?
Su: No, no, its working...
M(interrupting): So the bug is that the app is working?
Su: No, no (totally unperturbed by my interruption) it is working. But when B German language select karta hai, usko dhikhta hai Bhojpuri!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Dishwashing is left to the man of the house :)
No, no, I am not complaining. Not at all. He was busy working in the yard all day, so didn't get to the dishes. I am just amazed at how he makes the most mundane things so funny! I was in splits when I walked into the kitchen and saw this. I cleaned up while he was still working. He was so sad when he got back and saw that his "tower" had been demolished.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Anyone out there know how you feel after eating a LOT of awesome Daal-dhokli?
Solitaire, Neeku, Ceedy, thinking of guys right now. Wish you were here to share it with me.
Firstly, because, I really really would like to have you guys here, and secondly, my Bihari husband just doesn't get it! He wouldn't even touch it! Whatever...more for me ;)
I am in that food coma right now that only dd can induce! Man, I'm good.
(am totally in love with myself right now for feeding me such good food)
Lotta folks asking me what Daal-dhokli is. There's a recipe here:
Thursday, March 13, 2008
This is all I have to say on the topic...
This was in Matheran. I think the monkey population there is higher than the human population. Nothing wrong with that of course :)
They were everywhere! They tried to steal my niece's CD player, they were there in each and every window, peeking in, watching what we were doing. They easily turned door-knobs and got in if doors were not locked. If the doors were locked, then they knocked! The first few times we did open our door just to see them rush inside to grab whatever they can. They snatched food right out of our hands, oh man, they were something else!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Whenever someone asks me, hey, you wanna go to this place, abc, or do this thing, xyz, I hardly think about what/where/why before jumping with joy and saying, Yesss!
This one happened about 6 months ago...
I can't swim, I took lessons, but am one of the few freaks who forgot all of it after a few years.
So last summer, a friend of mine, John, asked if I wanted to go water-skiing, he has a boat and all, will be fun. Nah, no swimming required, you'll be fine, he says. Who else is going? No plans yet, lets ask the others. John and I used to work together...we walked around the office, asking others. We got 5 more folks willing to go.
Coool...so I go home, tell hubby about the plan. He has a great fear of water. Big time! (My dad told us he was arranging a floating mandap at our wedding, and my fella goes, heck no, I am not coming to your wedding, take my picture and marry it. It all went ok though, he had asked John, mentioned above to come to the wedding...just in case he needed someone to save him ;)
But I digress...so I tell him about the plan, and he says, NO. You ain't going! You'll drown! But...but...but...John said it will be ok, I want to go, I want to go, I want to go. Ok, fine, WE will go, I am coming too, he says! Mighty brave of him!
So the big day arrives, 9 of us go to the lake, John gets his boat. He has brought his niece, Christine, along as well to help him, since all the others were first-timers, none of us had water-skiied before. John makes two trips, I was on the second trip. Water-skiing takes a lot of skill. You wear the board on your feet, its pretty heavy. Then you get into the water, sort of lie down with your feet and head out of the water, and hold this rope thats attached to the boat. Boat starts moving, and you have to stand up! If you can't, you gotta let go of the rope, otherwise you get dragged around. So you are sort of stranded in the water, while the boat circles around you, while you try to grab the rope again. And then you try the whole thing again!
(John!!!! How come you didn't explain all of this before!!!)
So...I was on the second trip. So there's John and Christine, another gal, S, my hubby was there, just to watch and take pics, and there was one more guy, A.
Christine does a bit of a demonstration for us. Man, she was awesome!!! Like a mermaid rising out of the water. Totally amazing. Then John does his demo, shows up a few stunts, making it all look so easy. We all feel very confident after seeing these two.
A goes first, tries to ski, gives up after 5-6 attempts. Then S goes. She got in the water, and panicked. John got scared, and jumped in to save her, with hat, glasses, t-shirt and all. Hubby comments, John, its ok, you don't have to jump, she's not dying. A comments, John, your hat...its floating away (all this while S is still struggling, and listening to all these comments!) John realizes he's lost his hat, saves it first, then brings S back. S is ok after a while, and tries to ski, does pretty well, but gets tired after a while and comes back. And then she accosts the commentators...was very very funny :))
Ab...bachi main, my turn. I hate cold water, I hate water on my face, and I had kinda forgotten all this when I agreed to this plan! Seeing how S had panicked upon contact with the water, John suggests I get on my life-vest and get in the water, get familiar with it, then come back and put on the ski. Sounds good. I get all geared up, say my buh-byes to all, some folks even say, so long, dear, was nice knowing you. I climb out of the boat into the water.
Holy hell, this is COLD!!! And there are waves in this darned lake. And...these waves are kinda taking me away from the boat. The boat suddenly seems very far away, and HELP!!!! SOMEONE BRING ME BACK PLEASE, I AM FLOATING AWAY!!! The folks on the boat are enjoying the spectacle, taking pictures and videos and all that. Finally Christine comes to rescue me, with a HUGE grin she asks me, you don't swim, do you? Ummm...no. John said it was ok, I didn't need to. She laughs, tries to drag me back, but I'm too heavy for her, bahut mehnat kiya, finally I got back to the boat. There's pictures of me being dragged around, but NO, you don't get to see them! Hubby has this smirk on his face as I get back, done? kar lee skiing? Shall we come back tomorrow?
John was really disappointed that I didn't even give it a shot, I didn't even put on the skis. But I did have fun, and thats whats important, methinks.
He is still hopeful that I will make some more progress the next time :)
Well....we'll see about that :o)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Veens wants to know 7 weird things about me. I claim, there is nothing weird, they're all just quirks ;) So here goes...
1) This one's a repeat, but still...I still have two baby teeth!
2) I am allergic to trees, grass and weeds, I hate wind blowing into my face, and yet, I drive a convertible :) And I love it!
3) I have a very keen sense of hearing, sab kuch sunai deta hai...door door tak!
4) Eating bananas gives me a stomach-ache, but I love them, SO...I drink banana shakes, creme-de-bananes, etc
5) Eating lychees makes my mouth itch
6) Eating raw carrots (or any crunchy fruit or veggie) makes my ears itch
7) I can touch my tongue to my nose :)
And am tagging....cinderella, pavi, solitaire, neeku
Been tagged by Neeku. Am adding a few of my own associations (marked by "mine" in case you don't notice ;) Will try to update it with pictures of some of these things!
A - Available? (from the original tag)
For dancing. Anytime! But...please don't ask me to go for garba/dandia, its too boring going round and round in circles. Give me Shakira anytime!
Mine: A - Achhhhhoooooooooooooooooooooo! This allergy season, I tell yaa...
B - Best Friend
Don't really have any one best friend...anyone and everyone!
Mine: B - BMW, my ultimate driving machine, oh how I love you!
C - Cake or Pie
Cake for sure.
Mine: Coffee, can't wake up without it!
D - Drink of Choice
Tiger Tail, its made with Pernod ("saunf" based liqour!!!) and orange juice. Yummmmmm!!!
Mine: D - The digital age! Its completely changed our lives!
E – Essential thing(s) used every day
Hmmm...now this would be a long list, starting from toothpaste to whatever else. I think I'd say my camera, I don't HAVE to have it, but I'd hate it if it wasn't in my purse, and once more...my car, I need to be mobile, free to go wherever, whenever.
F – Favourite Colour
Mine: F - Fireplace! We start the fire on every weekend in the winter. We just sit there, stoking it, talking, laughing. Fun life :) The pic on the right is of our pile of firewood.
G – Gummi Bears or Gummi Worms
H – Hometown
I – Indulgence
Oh where do I start, where do I stop. I confess, I am very materialistic. I want everything, and in every color! If I really, really, really could, I would have 3 cars (at least!). My convertible, a Mercedes sedan (C-class), and an SUV (Lexus GX series). One down, two to go!
Mine: I - Internet. Whoever can live without it, please raise your hand, and then you may leave this planet :)
J – January or February
Huh, this one is random, I'd say January though. For new beginnings...
Mine: J - Jello. Love this jiggly thing, I even have a Jello recipe book somewhere!
K – Kids and Names
Can't relate to kids anymore, I used to love them at one point, but right now, I don't quite get why people would want them!
Mine: K - Kashmir! Paradise on earth.
L – Life
Life is a miracle! So many different lives, each with its own unique story!
M – Marriage
Its that laddoo, you know, khaye so pachhtaye, na khaye so pachhtaye ;) Nah, its not so bad. Takes a bit of time to get used to it, but after a while, it just becomes life as usual.
Mine: M - A bit cliched, but...Mom! I can't understand these creatures called mothers :) They're different!
M - Music. Can't imagine life without music!
N – Number of siblings
3 older sisters, who act more like my mother! Sheesh! I have 4 moms!
Mine: N - Nature
It never ceases to amaze me! I take a walk in my yard everyday, and everyday I discover something new and fascinating. Everyday I drive the same route, and everyday I see some changes all over the route! Its simply amazing!
O –Oranges or Apples
Oranges... :) Of course (check out my other blog to see my love for oranges)
P – Phobia
Horn Worms...the kind that grow on tomato plants. I don't have a phobia for them, but they completely gross me out, and I have nightmares of them in tomato season coz we need to get them off the plant and dispose of them, not a task for the weak-hearted. The first time they showed up, we had just come back from a heavenly trip to Alaska to see the tomato plants almost eaten up. I did a lot of research on how to get rid of them without using chemicals. Nada..nothing, you need to pick them out and dispose of them, someone suggested "cut them up with scissors". Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! They just eat and eat and eat and grow gross and big. They are hard to find, they look exactly like the leaves. Yuck, I am going to stop thinking of them RIGHT NOW! *shudder*
Mine: P - Planes. I love watching planes in the sky! Hubby and I come up with stories of where they are going. A big star we can see from our yard is designated as a gas station since a lot of planes fly near it :) Yeah, we're goofy :)
Q – Quote
"Live your life as though every act were to become a universal law."
Now if I really followed this, it would make for such an ideal world!
R - Reason to Smile
First blossoms. I go completely ga-ga over every new flower that blooms in my yard. Here's a picture of the first fuchsia's of this year!
Mine: R - Rain. Love the Indian monsoon, love the smell of earth after the first rains. Hate the dreary rainy season here in California.
S – Season
Spring and Fall. Love 'em both.
Mine: S - Smile. What a difference it makes to your face value! To your life! To everyone around you!
S - snow!
T – Tag people
-xh- (I think this one's gonna be toooo big for you to finish, so letting you off the hook!)
I think I was born to travel. Thats all I can think of. I come home from a vacation, and start planning the next one within a day or two. I want to see the whoooolee world! Saari duniya dekhungi!
U – Unknown fact about me
I still have two of my baby teeth!
V – Vegetable you do not like
Gavar sing, Karela ! Adding ghiloda to Neeku's list.
W – Worst Habit
Thinking more than acting! I want to do this, I want to do that, end up spending so much time just "hawa mein", that I don't do much in the end :(
X-rays you have had.
Quite a few, here's a few interesting ones.
Jaw - they found out I had arthritis in one of 'em :(
Some funky procedure for measuring bone density.
Y – Your favourite food
Daal Dhokli, Pasta
Mine: Y - Yosemite! Oh man, that place is simply amazing!
Z – Zodiac
Mine: Z - zzzzzzzzzzzz :)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Since this tag has to be about "now", I guess I gotta do it now...at 12:24am (or is it 1:24am?) on Sunday March 9!
1) I am eating potato chips that my MIL sent from India. (she made the chips, dried then, etc, I fried them). They are totally out of this world!
2) Spoke to my FIL, and he was wondering whether the peach seed he had planted in our coriander patch last summer (peach in coriander patch? why, papa???) has sprouted!? He is so funny!
3) Am really miffed with my husband right now because he thinks my best friend is irritating (nothing wrong with her, she is very nice and all, but I still find her irritating, he says, hmmmpppphhhh)
4) Am reading Oprah, and I think some times she is SO stupid! Oh the things she says! So much common sense that she terms as "Ahaa moments!"
5) Saw the most hideous outfits today in Newport News catalog. Imagine wide leg pants, bell sleeve top, all in the same royal purple color. Yuckkkkkk!
6) My right arm is hurting because I just discovered the magic of photoshop (thanks Ceedy and XH!) and am trying to put a lawn on a big patch of concrete in a picture. Am lovin' it!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I sometimes visit this website called "The Happiness Project". Some things she has up there make sense, others just make me wonder, really, do people really need reminders for things like this? She put up a list of stress busters. One of them was, keep gas in the car. My thought to that was, duhh, of course, the car's not going to run on हवा! But I should not get so judgmental, to each his own, I am sure stuff that causes me stress would sound comical to someone out there as well.
Here's my little list:
- Try and keep clutter to the minimum. A clean home is a happy home!
- Keep EVERYTHING that you use daily in its place! My hubby taught me this :) If he sees something lying in the same place, gathering dust, for more than one week, he will kick it and say, "इसको फ़ेंक देंगे क्या?" (Should we throw this?) This includes things like expensive jewelery to passports to headbands and scrunchies, any darn thing. If its not in its place, he'll try to throw it! Just his way of making me value my things I guess! Initially I did it out of fear that he really will throw my stuff away, now I do it coz it makes sense :)
- Have a set schedule for doing routine chores. It helps to not have to think of how/when chores will get done. This used to really work me up! There's dishes in the sink, the floor's not vacuumed, the kitchen floor needs scrubbing, there is SO much to do, when and how will I do it! And I would sit and fret ये नही हुआ, वो नही हुआ! Now if I see something that needs to be done, I pretty much know when I will be doing it and how.
Eg: I clean out both bathrooms in my house on Wednesday night. Thursday is garbage day for us, so it serves as a reminder to put the trash cans out as well. I buy groceries only during the weekend, that way I know I don't have one more stop after work to the grocery store on any other day. If we run out of something, we just find something else as a substitute.
- Give 15-20 minutes of head room for anything, try not to have ANYTHING scheduled back-to-back. Packed schedules and overcommitments just don't work!
- Schedule some leisure time for yourself at the end of the day, so you have something to look forward to. My reward is my books and going over my photographs and other hobby stuff.
- Get your clothes ready for the next day before going to bed. One less thing to do in the morning is GOOD! Especially thinking of what to wear, now that's a herculean task for the likes of me! (Jewelery has to match, shoes have to match, purse has to match, lipstick has to match, watch has to match, thank god I have only one car, nahi to even that would have to match!)
- I try to spend some time every morning either walking or working in my yard. Its quiet and beautiful, I really cherish this time that I have to myself, its a great start to the day! Have been doing this for only two weeks now. Earlier it would always be a mad rush to get out the door. Not so anymore!
- Call at least one person in my family every weekend. That way I keep in touch regularly, and am totally guilt-free (how many of you get sent on the guilt-trip by your parents that you don't call them enough? Now I can say, well, wait your turn, its didi's turn this weekend!)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I was talking to my "life-coach" yesterday, and he said I really need to work on building my self-confidence. Once I have that up, it will take care of a lot of other personality problems I have. Its not a very long list, but its a list nonetheless.
So that got me thinking, how did I get like this in the first place? How does one develop self-confidence? Does everyone have to make conscious efforts? Do girls usually have lower confidence than guys?
I think a very big factor in my case is that my parents "worried" too much about me.
What will my future be like, will I get a good husband, will I be happy, who will take care of me after they are gone, will I be ok? The usual worries girls' parents have, I suppose. But that is all they did, worry. They were overly protective and I usually had most things done for me, instead of me learning and figuring out things myself. I had a very cushy life. I was conditioned to expect someone to do everything for me, conditioned to think that I might not really be capable of doing things. To summarize, the people I trusted most, and believed, did not trust and believe in me. (Thats my perspective, of course. I am sure this was not their intention!)
And I inherited their thoughts. I worry, will I be able to do this, will I succeed, will I be ok, who do I turn to when I need this, this and that? Instead of thinking, yes, I can, I am buried in self-doubt, and I always question, can I? Instead of turning to myself to get what I want, I try to find someone else who will get my this, this and that.
I blamed them for "protecting" me, for not giving me the confidence I could have had. But now, I guess its time I got out of that blame game and recognize myself for who I am. And I am doing good :-)
Any other thoughts on what causes low confidence?
Edited to add: Have added some more long, long, thoughts in the comments section :)