Monday, June 2, 2008

I miss the old me....

Over the last few days, I have realized that I don't enjoy the simple things anymore...not like I used to.

- I used to eat and enjoy just about anything that was warm and edible.
Not so anymore :( It needs to be just right. My cooking's improved, but the downside is that I hardly like any food at most restaurants anymore (too oily, too spicy, too bland, too...whatever). I stress out about how tiring it gets to cook every single week night, but I can't stand the thought of dinner to-go, or even freezing some food. (no, no, I can't eat frozen food, yuck!) sigh...such an attitude!

- I used to think I take really good pictures. I loved sharing them with my family and friends.
Not so anymore :( I started browsing other people's work and try to get to that level of perfection, and feel SO frustrated that I can't be that good instantly :( I don't think my stuff is good enough to share.

- I never even noticed my waist or weight. I wouldn't care if my hair looked ok or not, I would just rush out and meet anyone, anytime.
Not so anymore :( I cannot tolerate even an inch of fat around my middle. I can't face anyone if my hair's frizzy, I can't invite anyone if there's even a small speck of dust in some faraway corner of my home :(

- I would go to just about any place for a holiday. Live in any shanty of a hotel, as long as it was in a new place.
Not so anymore :( It needs to be exotic, the location needs to be nicer than my own California, the hotel needs to be ultra-nice (which means its ultra-expensive too!!)

The list is endless...but the worst one....
- I thought I was a very nice person.
Not so anymore. I find so many character flaws in me, (I have a kind heart, but a quick temper, I help, but I get impatient, I am good at things, but I am lazy, the buts just never end!) I find myself unable to fix each and every one of them, and feel worse!

I want my happy-g0-lucky, imperfect self back. I HATE this unhappy, perfectionist that I am slowly becoming!

16 comments:

P said...

Hey don't be so hard on yourself. Almost everyone becomes more choosy and picky as they get older. As long as you don't hurt anyone in doing so, you are just fine. From the things you listed, I think you are a pretty normal, nice person :)

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

didi..
hehehe

arre perfectionist khud hone mein koi prob nhi jab tak aap dusro ki pakad pakad k bajati nhi ho..it's good to be perfect..

ur fotograffs are real good..sachi muchii..
:)
*hugz*

~ ॐ ~ said...

Dekho bhai, rest to I cannot say... but as far as the photographs are concerned, there always would be a better photographer than you, and if that stops you from posting or sharing yours, too bad :(

If you are happy with a picture, thats good enough !!!

lets see some !!! seriously :)

Preeti said...

Be urself...which is what u r doin actually...cuz u never meant to change and yet u have...which shows that u r juz takin thingz as it comes...it's pretty much a natural progression and i think u shudnt fret...i guess the standards r high cuz u think so...im pretttyyy sure if u wr in a situation whr u had to go a shanty hotel for some reason, u wudnt really cringe...dont u think???

Ankur said...

oyeee.. kya hua hai aapko???

x-(

hehe... chalo hanso, tension lene ka nahi dene ka, so bas wahi karo...

arre har koi apna temper lose karta hai... :D
agar aap best photographer hote toh phir baki ka kya hoga ;)
photo lo aur dheere dheere u will learn more abt this art :)
good hotel har kisi ko acha lagta hai... :D
aur haan hotel ka khana bahut oily hota hai so acha hai na ki ghar par khao n even i hate frozen food par humare pass toh option hi nahi hai :D :D
dekha u lucky!!! :D

ab ashu ke blog par jao aur apne liye dedication padho... :D
khush ho jaao yaar, acha nahi laga hai hai yeh sad face ok!!! ;)

and dekho we love u for wat u r... so bas, ki farq penda hai yaar...

ab ek happy sa post aana chaiye samjhe na aap :D :D
hehe

and apne mere questions ka jawab bhi nahi diya :((((

dekha i m sad now... sigh!!!

aneri_masi said...

p, not being hard, yaar, its just that I feel like I am not having so much fun anymore. and yeah, i guess i am not hurting anyone else, so no guilt about that :)

sourish, no, not bothering anyone else, but perfect banne mein, mazaa chala gaya hai saara, the number of things I like, that I enjoy has reduced :(

aneri_masi said...

@prashant, no, its not that i don't like to share mine because others are better than me. its more like, i know i could have done a better job at a certain pic, and i myself don't like it enuff to share. u see the diff?

@preeti, yeah, what you say makes sense :) i guess i shld learn to enjoy the things I do enjoy now. And true, if i have to go to a shanty, i wouldn't mind!

aneri_masi said...

@ankur, arey i am fine. just thinking abt how i was, and what i am now. like i said to P, its just that the fun factor seems to have reduced drastically. and abt the food and all, i agree with everything u say. but my point was ke it is stressing me out, instead of me feeling good about it. see?

as for your questions...weekend tha na, i try not to turn the comp on. two days internet free rehte hain :)

ashu ki blog pe abhi jaake dekhte hain. gotta go cook dinner now, so will reply to your comment there later.

Prats said...

as you grow older, one's perception of life changes, and so does their way of handling it. I guess thats what you have been doing.
AS long as you are living it honestly, you don't have to fret at all...and i'm sure you have not gone around hurting others, so chill.

And for having fun...its all in the mind....let go and start again...you'll surely enjoy whatever you do

aneri_masi said...

@prats, thanks!!!

***And for having fun...its all in the mind....let go and start again...you'll surely enjoy whatever you do**

This totally makes me feel good :)

~ ॐ ~ said...

Fair enough... lets improve then :) No other option left :)

Solitaire said...

How did this evolution happen?

Cinderella. said...

C'mon di. Dont be so hard on yourself.

We all loose our empers once in a while, the last time I did that had my boss on the recieveing end. Dusre din train, kuch packing nahi hua hai, 7 baje kaam pakda kar Bolta hai 10 baje tak ruko aur drawing kahtam karke jao.Par it was the last day befire ai was leaving for home, so he gulped it down.

Its ok to be wan to be prefect in what you're doing, oar haan just dont frustrate yourself coz of it.

Dont worry na. Cheer up.

--xh-- said...

rn'u u being a bit hard on u? as and whn we grow, we tends to get more perfectionist.... but let ur hair down once in a while..
abt teh fotos.. it will take time, experience and most importantly, patience... practice yaar - there is no shortcut... u DO take good clicks... :)

Ria said...

Hey take it easy lady! Nobody's perfect on this earth...and since u knw the changes tht hav come in u...nobody else but u hav to take proactive measures to get back the carefree Aneri who enjoyed life more! There's nothin wrong in being a perfectionist but not at the cost of happiness! Cheer Up woman!

Pavi!!!! said...

I'm sure its a phase n its upto u to not let it b'com YOU.