Wednesday, May 7, 2008

What? Why? How?

Can we really "know" someone based only upon what they are today? Based upon where they work, what they eat, where they live, what they do everyday, how they spend their weekends, where their parents live, how many siblings they have? Can you really know someone based just upon something that resembles a resume, and nothing deeper than that?

With no past experiences shared, no mention of any ups and downs in their life, without knowing their memories, happy or sad. Without knowing anything about what makes them who they are? Without knowing what their relationship with their parents was like while growing up, what the environment was like? Without knowing what they dreamed of when they were teenagers? Without knowing whether those dreams were fulfilled or not? Without knowing who their friends were, what they did for fun?

Is it really possible to "connect" without any past knowledge? How do you get through to someone who says "I don't remember all that", "Nothing eventful ever happened in my life", "I have no special memories of anything". How can you ever break that wall of reserve, that defense they have put up against the entire world, not wanting to let anyone in? How can you make them happy without knowing what goes on in their mind? How can you heal their scars without knowing that they even exist?

You can be a friend, but can you really reach their soul? Is it possible?

12 comments:

vEENs said...

Well.. if the other person is not willing to let us touch them... then it is quite impossible u knw!

i think so !

PS:- i m back ;))

La vida Loca said...

i dont think it is possible to know someone...at all

Cinderella. said...

If they build up walls around them and dont want you to enter that, then I wouldnt think of myself as his/her fren as in 'fren'.

Frens are those with whom you connect, and there are times where we feel a connection just over a cup of capuchinno and a random talk.

For a long time I had frens, who knew nothing about what I felt inside. We just met up, discussed regular issues, laughed our guts out, ate and freaked out. Thats it. I have never felt any kind of connection with them. And we had been frens for like 12 years.

They broke up with me, and I never asked why. Some things are better that way. I'd rather be alone that have frens and expect that they'd understand my traumas.

So yes, it is important to break the walls to connect to someone.

aneri_masi said...

but kaise break kareing walls?

Cinderella. said...

Most times, I make a direct question the moment I sense something is wrong.

And its like "Is there anything you want to tell me ?"

And most times, they open up...

Ankur said...

yes... i believe u can always... :)

its only how u feel abt it, at times u never know d answer :)

its like... Feel Special!!!

and yes... m back :D :D
had a gala time :D

Cheers!!

carolinagal said...

I believe that the way to know a person is by spending time with them. I don't think that it is necessary for them to reveal their past in order for you to get to know them. Yes, knowledge of their past might help you know them sooner, but its not absolutely necessary.

aneri_masi said...

Thanks cg, that makes perfect sense!

ceedy said...

It is possible...the idea is to make them feel comfortablle...the comfort many seek that after spilling out the beans will this person talk to me....

if you directly question someone sometimes...they will open up but many a times they are trying to avoid furthur questions and only say what is pertinent....

aneri_masi said...

@ceedy, see the thing is, I am not like that, na. Someone asks me something, and I will give them more info than they will even need/want. And when the other person doesn't do that, I get completely baffled :) I forget that not everyone is like me!

aneri_masi said...

@ankur, tera funda nahi samjha. but yippeee, you're back! hope to see more posts from you!

Pri said...

ur right...but probably such people are happy with just friendship...they dont want anyone to touch their soul :)